Fantastic Great Big Special Exclusive Ashes Preview Edition

The Ashes are upon us. In an attempt to crack the mainstream league of Broadsheet Cricket Punditry, I am offering up my exclusive Ashes preview. We can exclusively reveal the key battles that will decide the series and who will win.

Mitchell Johnson v Mrs Johnson

Mitchell Johnson’s mum is feeling unloved. His nasty girlfriend doesn’t let him visit any more. And she gets to travel the world. For Australia to win the Ashes, Johnson must overcome this crippling distraction.

Andrew Flintoff v Andrew Flintoff

“Drink Andrew?”

“Not tonight, Andrew, we’ve a big day tomorrow. Mr. Flower says we’re on our last warning.”

“That’s harsh….so, drink Andrew?”

Nathan Hauritz v Cricket

Spin bowling could be a real weapon in this series for England. Especially if Nathan Hauritz is playing for Australia.

England v Wales

That’s right, the Ashes is a three-way contest for the first time this year. Australia will be hoping to convince Old North Wales (did you see what I did there?) to gang up on those posh toffs and show them a thing or two.